you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
