Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize