1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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