I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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