1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
