i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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