At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
