12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize