Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
