It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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