I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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