Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
