his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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