Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
