and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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