what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He passed out mid-signature
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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