The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
