Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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