Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
