a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
