How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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