I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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