I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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