okay pat passed out under dana's car
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
