Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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