then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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