Me. At least after what I've been through.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
