If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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