remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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