I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize