You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
