Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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