there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
