Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
