I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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