what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
