I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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