I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
