It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
