I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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