My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
