but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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