i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize