Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
