How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
