all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
