He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
