We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize