Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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