i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
