This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
