You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize