I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My breasts were aching with rage.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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