In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
