There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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