Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
