Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you never un-have a 4some
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
