I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
