I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
