i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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