dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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