i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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