Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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