I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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