I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
