Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
