I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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