phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
