The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
