Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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