I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
