Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
