Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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