The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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